I work regularly for the relationship charity – Relate – the national leading expert in couple’s therapy.
Being in a relationship with a life partner creates an attachment. Our lives create events, which can rock our attachments in ways we may not have predicted, may not like, may be distressed by, may get ill by or may even be repulsed by. It could be an affair – emotional and/or physical, the birth of children, death, pre-nuptial agreement, moving home, losing a job, illness, an addiction or simply being unhappy. It is usually at these points one member of the couple or both decide to contact a relationship therapist or understand that something needs to change.
It could also be that you are at the point where the new direction is separation or divorce – and by having a third person involved, the process of transition from one stage to another is managed more easily and safely.
However, there are times when it could just be that you are not sure if you are still in love with your partner or why it is that the intimacy has gone? Even at these times, a relationship can be explored, understood and new ways of seeing one another or being with each other can be discovered. These are often signs that life is giving us that a new perspective or direction is required, a re-boot almost, so that old patterns & attitudes can be broken and new ones created that suit the changes within each of us as individuals and within the relationship.
Couples often come to me “feeling stuck” or “trapped” or simply feeling like they have “forgotten” how to be with one another. Having a third person to talk to about the relationship, is like a form of massage for the relationship –working on the “knotty & painful” parts until it becomes less tense, easier to manage and more relaxed.
Giving your relationship the time it deserves to repair and heal, is essential. Wouldn’t you do that if you sprained your ankle or broke your arm?
Whether you are in a heterosexual or same sex partnership, relationship counselling can help – I invite couples from all backgrounds and diversity to get in touch.
As a family counsellor, I see families who are finding their relationships together difficult, messy, upsetting and/or exhausting. Often the dynamics of the family unit have become distant, fractious or unmanageable. The balance of the family system has tipped.
This could be because of an event, such as moving home, new schools, isolation, bullying, gender issues, cultural differences, unmet expectations, bereavement, divorce, separation, blended families, affairs, physical illness, mental health, jealousy or not being understood.
I explain to many of my clients, that a family works like a system – such as a central heating system in our houses. It is self-regulating, whatever little quirks occur can be accommodated and the balance re-dressed by itself. However, sometimes as we know, a major blockage occurs and this is usually too big to avoid. The balance of the system has been disrupted and all the elements struggle to carry out their role and adapt. Here, the central heating system cannot self-regulate without the assistance of a plumber to ease the blockage.
This is very much what happens to families – a unit that self-regulates itself regardless of difficulties. But sometimes there is a build-up of issues that have been avoided or not adapted to over time that create a blockage – and the family unit gets stuck and stops functioning cohesively. People and relationships within the family become unhappy and less tolerant. The family unit breaks down.
At this point, a family counsellor can usually help the members of the family re-dress the balance, understand the issues or blocks and support the family to repair itself. I help families find their own way of functioning again. By the end of family counselling, the challenges that seemed so difficult, will become easier to manage.
Whether you are in a heterosexual or same sex family unit, counselling can help – I invite families from all backgrounds and diversity to get in touch.
Everything we do or create we end up being in relation to or in a relationship with. This is why as a relationship specialist, I help individuals with their uncertainties, their challenges
and their distress. Many people are unhappy because of the relationship they are in with themselves, with the way they behave or with the way others react to them. Some want to understand how to make better more fulfilling relationships with others, either romantically, at work or with themselves. Others may be looking for a way to find themselves again, understand more about their identity and their own well-being.
When we remain “stuck” in our own issues or mind chatter – we can lose grip on the reality around us. This is when I can step in and help you to explore and discover what it is that is behind your fears, your relationship struggles or your own unhappiness.
Often, when our thinking about what is troubling us becomes a compulsion, we move into states of depression or anxiety and panic or fear. We feel lost or are confused. I use mindfulness techniques combined with an understanding of your inner and outer world, to support you in finding a new way of thinking. Breaking old patterns and changing our perspectives can often create the shift we need to improve our wellbeing.
In my experience, I work with people who are unhappy, have depression, anxiety, low confidence, some personality disorders, abuse, eating issues and general mental wellbeing. I support people as they are going through relationship difficulties either with others or with themselves. Together, we build a therapeutic relationship which is unique. I agree to hold your vulnerabilities safely in complete confidence (this can be broken if I sense anyone, especially a child is at risk of harm,see the how it works section for more details) and you agree to show up & be present.
Whatever gender or sexuality you are, counselling can help – I invite people from all backgrounds and diversity to get in touch.
Areas of work
- Confidence & Self-Esteem
- Depression & Anxiety
- Family Relationships
- Intimacy & Closeness
- Jealousy & Distrust
- Relationship life stages
- Crises – panic attacks
- Pre-nuptial Counselling
- Understanding each other
- Anger Issues
- Work relationships
- Personal Development
- Finding your SELF
- Isolation and Fears